And that’s when I Decided to Stop Listening to God

 Categories : Listening to God

 

We were standing at a car rental counter at JFK airport.  After over 24 hours of travel, we still had a 20 hour drive to reach our next destination.  Our kids displayed every stage of exhaustion, from crying to sleeping to fighting.  The man behind the desk informed us casually that he couldn’t give us a car.

We’d reserved it, paid for it with our debit card, and received a confirmation number the day before.  It had taken hours of searching online to find a vehicle that met our needs. But without a credit card they couldn’t give us the keys.  We’ve rented cars all over the world using our debit card without any problems.  The other rental companies at the airport either didn’t have a van for us, didn’t take debit cards either, or charged several hundred dollars more for a one way rental.  And it was too late to catch another flight.

So there, stranded at the midpoint of a long journey we never wanted to take, a new thought occurred to me.  I silently prayed, “God, maybe I should take a break from listening to you, just for a while.  Obeying you with my whole heart doesn’t seem to be working out.” It was the spiritual equivalent to “Maybe we should see other people”.

For a split second that seemed reasonable.  But I didn’t want to live a reasonable life. I didn’t want a break.  Not even for a moment. I wanted the promises, the miracles, my first love.  The pain was true, but He was truer.  So I decided to keep listening and obeying. We paid the extra and got back on the road. Because, the sooner you get back on the road, the sooner you get there.

truerA trusted friend summed up our experience when he said:

“…you have at this moment the privilege of knowing for the rest of your life that your faith is real. Not because your faith does not waver, but because at rock bottom you look up with open hands and worship the true King. You are rich beyond measure if you have nothing but Him and realize it too”

You have the same privilege.  You might not feel desperate right now, but you’ve been pushed beyond what you thought you could handle. But you don’t want a reasonable life. God is inviting you to question, doubt, and choose him again.

The sooner you get back on the road, the sooner you’ll get there.

Godspeed.



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  • Anna

    I realized today I have been missing you all, and your blog, so backreading, and this post is so encouraging – honest and life-y – I feel like, ‘I’ve been there!’ (even though I haven’t really). In times of discouragement, I have been tempted to stop trusting God with the steering wheel of my life.. as we walk with God, we all have unexplainable times when God does not come through for us in the way we asked and expected. oh! there are so many questions and bitter thoughts waiting when opening those doors of discussion with God. I have found for myself, it is important to know that God is not defined by my experiences, but He is who He is – and He never changes. He walks with us through all circumstances.. and He was for sure standing with you at that counter at the airport! Thanks for posting your story Hannah.

    • mlekallio

      You nailed it when you said “God isn’t defined by my experiences”. That’s so true and so important to remember during the worst times. I frequently needed to remind myself “God is bigger than my visa” or “God is still God even if can’t get plane tickets”. Otherwise, the thing I needed could easily become an idol, and I’d lose sight of who He is and who we are in the kingdom. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Anna!

  • Tamela White

    Hannah…….your recent blog touched my heart deeply and was exactly what I needed to hear, from God’s heart – to yours – to mine…….unfortunately sometimes desperation moves us closer to our goals. Your faith and spiritual perspective is very encouraging to me. I agree with your friend Stephanie below, “listening to God” works well sometimes and other times not so well…….Sometimes the silence or rebuke is too painful and we just want to run away and not deal with it. I have
    been pushed beyond what I thought I could handle and life has thrown me some very painful curves, but God is inviting me to stay the course and question, doubt and choose Him again too. I have gotten off the road the past few months and now realize what you articulated (and you are such a gifted writer!!! bless you in that my dear friend)…….the sooner I get back on the road, the sooner I will live life as God intended me to. I have prayed for you and Erik and the kids as you were overseas and wish you God’s best. Even though we don’t really know each other that well, I love you guys and carry you in my heart……you are a person I know that I could learn a lot from. I pray that God will return you to the Mediterranean when it’s the right time. Greetings and Peace, Grace and Love to everyone in the Kallio household………..

    • mlekallio

      Tamela, Thank you for being so real with me and with everyone reading this. I agree, sometimes even the thought of what God might say if I listened is terrifying. But you, my friend, are a very brave woman.
      I’m not sure I can express how much it blesses us the way God knits hearts together across great distances. We may not have much history with you, but we love you and are so thankful for your friendship.

  • Stephanie Jans

    Thanks for sharing just one of the many stories I am sure you could share with us about those critical times when you had to CHOOSE to turn and keep listening/following the Lord. In my humanness and personal areas of weakness I know I would have had many a breaking point. But this isn’t about me it’s about God and about choices. Hard choices. To give up or keep going on. Thanks for displaying albeit many times of perceived failures the courage to keep going on. To keep having FAITH in the midst of from a fleshly standpoint looks like one closed door after another. You are paving the trail and pioneering a “new way” of living out our faith. Discovering what it REALLY means to be a disciple of Christ. I have a ways to go that’s for sure. The “listening” works well on some days and not so well on others. Such as our recent arctic blast which brought me back down to the valley where I learn about the wild flowers growing there. Ha Ha.. I pray you are getting plenty of rest and “down time” now that your in familiar territory with many needs being met. I could share a lot more but look forward to seeing you all again when the time is right. Love you all……

    • mlekallio

      Stephanie, I know you’ve been tested and tried over the course of many years. I know you go through periods of discouragement, but you haven’t given up. There’s a crown waiting for you. You will be victorious and whole.

  • Christian

    Beautifully send Hannah- love what you have written here and your testimony of faith.

    • mlekallio

      Thank you Christian. From a consummate storyteller like yourself, that’s a real compliment.